My Hope Came True For Mum

My exact words of my blog the other day were: "I am hoping that Mum is wrong and that by the end of today she will be in hospital with a drip in her arm, comfortably sitting up in bed eating something and with a big smile on her face!" Well it wasn't by the end of the day but it was the next morning and it came true! Thank goodness! Last night the doctors at Peter Mac Callum Institute admitted mum for more tests and this morning when I went to visit her she was sitting in bed with more colour in her face, with less pain, she hadn't thrown up this morning and she even ate a whole bowl of cornflakes with milk for breakfast. Yay go Mum. I am so grateful for that!
Steph

The Home Warming Party A Huge Success

This post is a much more exciting and happy post in comparison to today's previous post about my Mum, it's about the House Warming party we had a couple of weeks ago. Things got so busy with work, mum being sick and just the general day to day stuff that I didn't get time to blog about it so here it is. Our party was a huge success, everyone who came loved my food which to me was the ultimate reward for all the hard work I put in to making it all. I spent quite a lot of hours preparing and cooking the food. I made loads of finger food, savoury and sweet. The party has opened the doors to more opportunities for me to start up my catering business. One of our guests manages a golf course and estate and said he wanted me to go and see him after I got my certificates which I now have (just waiting to get registered with the council). So exciting, I can't stop thinking of the endless possibilities this could turn out to have!
Steph

Hoping Mum is wrong

This morning my Mum said "I think I'm going to leave you soon", and to that I replied "no of course you're not, you'll be fine you're going back to the doctors today and we'll see what they say, we'll pack your bag and either way you'll be admitted to PeterMac or Royal Melbourne, you can't stay here like this, you need to go in, they will put you on a drip and get your fluids up and you will feel much better". What if Mum is right and she is departing this earth very soon? Do we ever really know when our time is up? Or is it because she is in pain that her mental state is such that makes her want to depart and meet her maker because she just can't take any more? Last night while talking to her she seemed fine for a few minutes, speaking to us better and more alert than she had been for the whole day, and yet this morning she's weak, in pain and can hardly put three words together. I am hoping that Mum is wrong and that by the end of today she will be in hospital with a drip in her arm, comfortably sitting up in bed eating something and with a big smile on her face!  

Steph

A smile and a laugh from Mum

It's been a while since I've slept with my Mum and last night I slept right beside her in her bed. I remember when we were little and we wanted to sleep near Mum and she would give in to us, then Dad would get kicked out of his bed and have to sleep in ours instead. My Mum is quite sick at the moment and has been for about four months now, so we have come down to see her. At this moment Mum is the frailest she has ever been and that I can ever remember her to be. She has had Hodgkins Disease four times in her life and had Radiotherapy and/or Chemotherapy each time but I still don't think Mum was as sick then as she seems to be now. I am worried about the outcome of today's specialist appointment for the last scan she had. We are hoping that we will get some answers as to why Mum is so sick. She has had numerous scans, blood tests etc all of which show up negative. I suppose this is a good thing but not so good when you are feeling crap and no one has any answers as to why. Mum has lost so much weight, her figure is skeletal with minimal skin and flesh just covering her frail bones. She hardly eats and she has no strength left let alone any positiveness left in her small body. I am a great believer that your mind is a powerful thing and what you think you become etc etc. and that a healthy lifestyle has a lot to do with your overall health (I am not perfect but I do try really hard) and that laughter is the best medicine. So last night we sat with mum and watched something funny on tv and I got to see her smile and laugh even if it was for just a very short time. So I am grateful for that.
Steph

There Is No Backing Out Now Invites Are Out

There is no backing out now.......the invitations have all been sent to our House Warming party. A little excited but also a little anxious but in a good way. Didn't invite people from work as I couldn't narrow it down enough to not upset anyone, so I didn't and plus we just couldn't fit everyone in our house especially if it's raining.
Steph

House Warming Party

Today I was replaced by a CRT (casual relief teacher) so I can do some assessments with the kids. Her name is Ruth and she is from England and has been here in Australia with her family for about 8 years. She was lovely and very positive and smiley which made me feel better. I wanted to ask her so many questions about how she feels living here and about her family as I felt a connection somehow. I think she is back on Thursday to work in another room so I might catch up with her and get her number off her and ask her if she wants to be my friend. I don't normally do this sort of thing and the friends I have are ones I have met through my kids (parents of their friends) and through those friends and so on. I don't normally ask people to be my friend but I am thinking what the heck, I can't lose anything by it...I will be no worse off if she says no and I will be somewhat better off if she says yes and you never know we might all just hit it off and become friends for a long time, I think Dave would appreciate some friends from his home country...someone who he can tell English jokes with and actually get them...haha. Anyway on the way home I was also thinking that in the last 2 and a bit years since we have been living here in East Gippsland I haven't made much of an effort to make friends, especially with people from work. Due to what happened in 2011 re work and my very high stress levels and almost having a nervous breakdown, I have blocked anyone out that has anything to do with work. I have seen a couple of people from work but I seem to not be able to trust any of them....even though they haven't done anything wrong. This is how I have been thinking for the last 2 years as I have been betrayed in the trust category in relation to work so I have been ultra careful and perhaps too careful not to trust anyone ever again. Well I got to thinking that if I am going to make a life here in Metung and be happy then I am going to have to get busy making friends whether they are associated with work or not and then it got me thinking of how I miss socialising, partying and entertaining at our home (due to lack of old friends near by and my decreasing self confidence) that we should have a House Warming party and invite some (a select few) people from work including Ruth and her husband and people from Metung and surrounds whom we have had contact with since we have been here, I might even send off some invitations to our old friends and see which ones make the effort to drive 4 to 5 hours to be with us. I know the house isn't finished and it would be great if it was but if we wait for it all to be finished then the house warming party theme wouldn't really suit or fit in because it may be quite some time before it is all finished. So there, I think I am going to get busy making invitations for our Home Warming Party.... Excited but nervous.
Steph

Anxiety Strikes Yet Again

Today has been one hell of a weird and frustrating day for me..today is the day before I have to go back to work after having 2 weeks off for school holidays and every time this happens I get a little anxious about it all.....it also happens on the eve of every Monday night before returning to work for the week and it happens when I am thinking about stuff, when I am planning a special dinner, when on the way to Melbourne to stay at my sister's, when I answer the telephone, and when I talk about any future business plans I have... I don't really know why this happens but I can say it has something to do with my stress levels of 2011 and self confidence levels since then and, that it has and probably will effect me for quite some time longer. Anyway this morning was one of the many mornings that I have anxiety prior to getting out of bed to face the day and today as most days Dave notices and when he does proceeds to tell me to get out of bed and stop thinking so hard (he is right ofcourse as the longer I stay in bed the more I think and the more I think the more anxious I become), and so after a while I get up, shower and then sit and ponder what next (unless ofcourse I am going to work and then I would just leave and ponder on the way to work instead). There are so many things that I like doing and want to do but just can't seem to get myself motivated to do them, like cooking, drawing, gardening and so on. I am planning to start a picnic and catering business which I have already registered the name for and I am now waiting to complete a Supervisor Safe Food Handling course at the start of May before I can register with the council as a commercial kitchen. The thought of it all overwhelms me and then I get stuck, my mind goes into a whirlwind of thoughts and then that is where it ends....too overwhelming to go any further....the idea of selling myself as a business owner and selling my food to paying customers scares the hell out of me. I know I can cook and that the customers will be happy with what they get but it's that initial push I need to actually get it up and running. Breath in through your nose, hold and breath out through your mouth...........there all better now!................. I wish!
Steph