Confidence

Thank God today was a better day than yesterday. This morning when I got to work I was informed that I will be having my own class once again from next Monday (so soon, I thought they would have waited till next term), I will still plan with Diana and we will have the two classes together sometimes, but for the majority of the time it's me and my assistant Karen in our own room with our own kids. I feel good about it as I think I need to be doing it on my own and not having to rely or let someone else take the lessons. Diana has been great of course and I will still be working with her, but we are different, she is messy and I am tidy, she is more relaxed and calm and I am not quite that yet. She has a lot more experience (her twenty odd years to my six and five of that was teaching Art, and last year was a complete write off) and that probably hinders my ability just a little, even though it is helping me by seeing her teach, it also affects my self confidence because she has an inclination to take over just a little (and if you are reading this Diana, I am trying to word it so you would not take offence, as I am truly grateful for your help and have learnt a great deal from you and will still learn a great deal more). We had our planning time together today and I planned most of mine myself, and I have done it for the next two weeks instead of the usual one week. I have also prepared everything I need for the next two weeks. I am probably boring you all now, but if you knew how long it takes for me to plan you will realise how much of an achievement that is for me, I especially am feeling more confident in planning and not feeling as stressed about the reports I will be writing in the next two week (I have not done classroom reports yet, and these will be my first), we will see how I go. Today I am grateful for the confidence that I have felt today. It has made me want to keep it going, and I am confident at this point in time that it will.
Steph

PS Sorry Joolz, I don't have any pics for you today.

Chocolate Fixes Everything

172 days to go........the builders have marked out the boundaries of the house and started with the retaining walls at the back of the house where they have cut into the soil.........again, a little higher than expected......we will have to see when it's finished as to what we are going to do with the garden etc. Exciting!

Today was extremely stressful at work, some of the kids were off and noisy, I was hit and kicked today by two separate kids, all because they couldn't have what they wanted and I got in the way of it. I noticed that the staff in our room were not as responsive and rather quieter than usual, so it was a little tense in the room, not only from the kids behaviour and noise levels but from the thickness in the air that you could have cut with a knife.

By the end of the day I'd had enough, I was exhausted, my head was spinning with overload and it hurt, so I took some work to do at home and left earlier than usual. Before home I detoured to look at the progress of our house building and took some photos as you can see below, I then went home, had some headache tablets, cooked dinner, ate dinner and proceeded to do school work. It's been a long hard day and I craved chocolate and it so happens that Zoe has brought home a fundraiser box of 50 bars of chocolate. I am not normally a chocolate fanatic but sometimes I just need some (or rather want some, I don't think anyone actually needs it), especially tonight after such a long, miserable and stressful day, so I am grateful that we have some in the house. Tomorrow I will probably regret eating it, but for today it's done it's job.
Steph

WOW, It's finally happening!

You can see the retaining walls taking shape here.

Zoe on her little mountain of dirt.

Doesn't look too bad from this angle.

Steeper than expected

Chockies

I had a Toblerone, it was yum!

Proving Them Wrong

173 days to go! And counting down (for our new home that is).

I had my meeting with the boss (principal of the school) today about my performance review, my extra responsibilities at school and my position. I have been waiting for this meeting for quite a while and it has been delayed due to different reasons. It lasted a whole ten minutes..... I wasn't nervous at all, I was confident, I was prepared! Last year I was under so much stress that it obviously affected my work as a teacher and all because of my work as a teacher at a specialist school. It was a nightmare and I wouldn't like to relive it..... anyway, near the end of last year, the principal had decided that I was not an effective teacher and when he told me this I hated him and I haven't trusted him since, nor the other teacher whom he used as a witness, I will never trust her again either as I had confided in her many times. At the time I felt so angry and I felt like a nobody, a nothing, a failure. I persevered with the job, I kept going and going, not sure why I did at the time because there have been many days since where I have wondered what the hell I was thinking when I applied for the job in the first place.  This year I have been working full time again, the first term in my own classroom, and the second term, team teaching with another class and teacher, Diana. It has had its ups and downs and there has been many times I wanted to give up, but didn't. At the meeting today my boss told me that he was pleased with the way things have been this year and that he can see that I am as good a teacher as they thought I was going to be (I am assuming he meant when they interviewed me, as he told me I was the best applicant), and he was glad to see me smiling again..... did you hear me? ..........He said that I am as good a teacher as they thought I was going to be! Ha! I proved them wrong. You can't even imagine how good it feels to have proved them wrong and to regain some of that confidence and self esteem that was soooooo lost last year.
Steph

Can You See I'm Smiling Again

Ambitions

Ambition is the desire for personal achievement

The excavation started on our block today in preparation for the concrete slab to be laid. It is a little higher up than we thought it was going to be. Looks like we will need some stairs, retaining walls and multi level garden beds. It is a little exciting and frustrating and I'm not sure I would do it all over, we will have to see the finished product before we can decide for sure. To celebrate the start of our new home we decided to go out for dinner to Chinese, we went to the Lakes Entrance RSL as the usual Chinese restaurant we go to was closed today. Amongst the diners were a lot of retired old folk, if you are reading this and you are old folk please don't take offence by it. Whilst eating my dinner I started to look around at the other diners sitting at the tables and noticed there were quite a lot of older people, most probably retired. I was thinking to myself that I do not want to wait until I am that old, too old to even get up off my seat without discomfort to do things I want to do, it seems people do the things they want the opposite way around, they work their butts off when they are young whilst their families are young and need them the most, they wait until their house is paid off and the kids have left home etc etc etc, and then when they get really old and retire and no longer have to go to work, they decide to travel but sometimes they either drop dead or get ill or just become stiff that they can't travel and they can't do the things they have always wanted to do, because they have got too old. Lately I keep thinking of travelling around Australia in our camper for months at a time, home schooling Zoe and travelling around to see the sights. Zoe would learn so much from it and we would be better for it when we got back. To be able to say we'd done that. It would be a real shame if I had to wait until I was too old. I would really be pee'd off. I have the ambition to travel and see more of the world, I also have the ambition to do more than I am doing now, before I get so old, grey and immobile. I am grateful for my ambitions because one of these days I will make them happen.

Steph

Delivery Of The Port a Loo

Went to the block today because even though they haven't started to dig for the slab, they have delivered the port a loo for the builders, so to me that means they are about to start. So I suppose it is the last day that our block is without a house. Hopefully tomorrow they will start building. I have taken a photo of the caravan and camper which we took there this afternoon. It took us a while to push the camper into place as the draw bar was the wrong side for which we wanted it. Anyway with some help from some wooden bits and pieces, some chocks and muscle power we managed to push it slightly up hill into position. Obviously it took longer than expected. When we got back we had dinner and sat as we were exhausted not only from pushing the camper but from Zoe's birthday party yesterday. Yesterday was fun but tiring. I'm grateful that the porta loo was delivered as that means it's finally happening, and that makes me hopeful and a little excited. Watch this space as soon that empty grassy plot of land area will soon have our home on it.
Steph

This is where our home will be built. Won't have to mow this section any more.

Port a Loo

This may be our new home from September until our house is finished. Check out  our breakfast area. Alfresco style!

Families Who Made An Effort To Stay For Dinner

Okay so I didn't blog yesterday because I had an excuse, I was busy decorating a birthday cake for Zoe's party and by the time I had finished I was exhausted. Today has been flat out, Zoe's birthday party was a success, all the kids had loads of fun. They were really good but just a little noisy. The parents who could come after 6pm were good too, they enjoyed a dinner of 2 types of pasta and 3 types of home made pizza. I think everyone had a wonderful time, and Dave and I are exhausted and we now just want to lay down and sleep. Today I am grateful for all the families that had nothing planned for tonight and stayed for dinner, it was really nice to meet some new people. They were all quite nice and Dave and I think that we could spend some time with them. You just know don't you when you click with certain people, you either do or you don't, and the ones we had over tonight, I think we did.
Steph

Opening her birthday pressies

Playing Pass The Parcel

I made this cake, not bad for an amateur, if you look close it's number 8.

My Sweet Dumpling

Today is my gorgeous girl's 8th birthday. She is my little dumpling, sweety pie, sugar plum, Zoe Boe, she is the most gorgeous girl in the world, so today I am grateful that I gave birth to her, I love her soooooooooooooooo much it hurts. Happy Birthday my sweet darling, I hope there will be many, many, many, many more to come. Enjoy!

To My Audience I'm Grateful

Today started off as another one of those negative days I usually have, probably due to still being emotional from my Uncle Pius death yesterday and thinking about what is life all about and how short it really is. Luckily for me I have a great team at work who really care about how you feel, especially Diana. When I expressed my concerns about how overwhelmed I am feeling at the moment with assessments and report writing, she just puts everything into perspective and she's soooooo relaxed and makes me feel better. As she said today "things are what they are but there is no point in worrying about them" I suppose she is right, I just wish that I could be as relaxed about it all as she is. Highly unlikely at the moment. One thing that does cheer me up is when I find out that others are reading my blogs and commenting on them, I feel a little important and want to blog more. Diana, today said she read my blog, and when I got home and checked my Facebook and emails I read that my cousin Karen in England has read it and has joined as a member, and so did another blogger 'A Farmer's Wife' who commented and joined aswell. Good stuff! All the more reason to keep blogging and to not disappoint my audience. Thank you! Steph

Uncle Piu I Will Miss You

I'm truly sad today to hear of my Uncle Piu passing away this morning. We had been closer since my father passed away just two months ago. Uncle Piu kept asking us to visit to New Zealand and we kept putting it off, for all reasons, money, time, work etc etc. We planned to visit him in September this year, we were so excited about it as we haven't seen him and his family for quite some time and I've never met my Aunty Mary (his wife). Well now I will never see him again, it's too late, I wish I had visited him earlier. I cherish the fact that Uncle and I had kept in touch and feel that I am lucky to have had that. He was the closest relative to me on my father's side. My thoughts are with his family at this sad time. I truly wish that I had visited earlier. I am truly sorry Uncle Piu, I missed out on seeing you, we would have had some laughs I am sure. I am truly grateful that I had kept in touch with you and we became just that little bit closer.
Steph

Inspirational People

Today Zoe had a friend from school over to play and his mum invited us over for afternoon tea when we dropped him back home. She is a lovely woman, very friendly. It was a little awkward at first as we hadn't spoken to her husband before today. He soon came around, I think he may have been feeling the same, a little shy. The reason why I am telling you this is because this family lost their son when he was ten years old, I think it was a brain tumor (they have three other children). How sad and how on earth do you deal with something like that. I worry about Zoe doing the everyday things, I stressed over Alex driving to Melbourne on his own for the first time. I would be a mess, I know it for sure as when she was talking about her son I was teary, I just couldn't help it, I didn't even know her son! She is to me, a strong woman, one to be inspired by. She is (or seems to be) an amazing woman! I'm grateful for inspirational people who have lost precious, irreplaceable loved ones and have lived through it, they have conquered defeat, they deal with it each day, to live another day as positive as they possibly can. Steph

As You Get Older Do You Actually Get Wiser Or Just Easier On Yourself

We started sorting out our stuff that has been packed in boxes for the last year and a half. It's funny how you forget about certain items until you come across it again and think ohhhh I forgot about this! And instead of putting it in the sell pile you decide that you will keep it? So we don't have much of a "to sell" pile yet, well we have only gone through about a third of it so maybe we might add to it. Whilst rummaging through our stuff I came across my old jeans, I'm not sure exactly why I kept them as they are worn and faded and out of date, maybe it was to reminisce about my thinner days? Who knows, as at that time I didn't think I was that thin. I've come to realize that I had spent so much time worrying about my weight back then when I didn't actually have anything to worry about. How stupid and what a waste of time! If you could see these jeans you would look at them and say "oh my God" in your head of course as you wouldn't want to offend me and have me thinking that you are thinking "jeez how on earth did you fit into those". Anyway I still can't believe that I actually did fit into those, I used to wear them after I had my two boys but before I had Zoe. My excuse.............let me think.........it must have been because I had Zoe at 36, and when you are older your metabolism slows down therefore it's harder to lose weight, and because well your body changes after having children especially the third one........that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it, it also didn't help my body that 2011 was the most stressful year ever and that the stress hormone cortisol (which I'm sure went all out on me) played havoc with my body and weight. So what am I grateful for today? Hmmm I'm not really sure because after finding those jeans I should really be thinking that maybe I should actually try a lot harder to lose some weight and become more fit again, just like I used to be before I had my third child and even pre stressful 2011, but instead even though I do wish that I did lose some weight and I do intend to try harder, I'm not intending or even thinking it at all possible to be that small again, unless of course I didn't eat or drink for weeks and became anorexic and obviously that is not where I want to be. So I'm grateful for the fact that as you get older you are a little more relaxed and more at ease with your body and with the fact that your body does change and if you are not sporty or athletic you are going to gain some weight especially if you are eating just as much as you did pre 36. Well I do need to lose a few kilos to be more comfortable with my body, I don't need to be skinny, I would like to be slimmer and fitter, so that nothing much jiggles when I run (not much hope for the boobs though unless I get one of those strappy jackets you wear in padded cells, although this might restrict the running) and so I don't get that spongey cake effect which they call muffin top. So, I'll just do it.....that's it just do it, nothing much else to do about it really except to do just that...lose weight by eating a little less, drinking wine less and exercising more....maybe if my food didn't taste sooooo good and if the wine didn't go down sooooo well, and if it wasn't sooooo cold outside...........just maybe it will work. Steph

New Places

We're planning a trip to New Zealand to see my uncle and of course to travel around and see the sights. We are thinking of hiring a motor home so we can camp anywhere, and it's cheaper than a hotel and hire car. We are a little excited as we haven't been anywhere for a while and we've wanted to go to New Zealand for some time. When we asked Zoe she said, "I thought we were going to Paris?" well we are, but not just yet. I'm grateful for the possibilities of seeing new places. How exciting! Oh, I think they make really good wine there too! Steph

Wine

Wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine and more wine

Pizza Muffins

Today at work I just wanted to tell the kids to be quiet and to just get over it and stop misbehaving or crying or wailing or whatever, they were so noisy and out of it today. It didn't help that I'm coming down with a rotten cold, so I didn't really want to be at work, I wanted to be at home in bed or spending time with Zoe (especially after reading the Herald Sun article about kids thinking that their parents don't spend enough time with them, not everyone can sell natural toothpaste and make enough money to work from home). We have soooooo much to do at work and very little time at school to do it, it seems that the more work we have to do, the more meetings we have which means less time for doing the things we really need to be doing. I'm now looking at working some time at home, extra to the hours that I stay back for not a single cent extra, in order to get assessment folders complete and up to date in order for report writing, which in turn of course less time spent with my family and especially Zoe who needs it the most. What a stressful time is to be had. I did  speak to Diana about my concerns re report writing and so on and she consoled me by saying not to worry and that we will be getting on top of things and writing reports together. Thank God! I suppose she has been working as a teacher a lot longer than I have and has written reports dozens of times, so I have faith in her thinking. So what am I to be grateful for today, I should really be grateful for Diana, and of course naturally I am, because she saves me so many times, I am learning so much from her without even realising it. But I am truly grateful for the pizza muffins that Dave cooked tonight because it meant that I could come home and not have to cook, which means I start unwinding much quicker and maybe even get to bed a little earlier (probably a good idea due to my cold). It doesn't always have to be a gourmet meal, just simple (but hopefully not pizza muffins every time).
Steph

Cute Smiley Little Faces

It's Monday and I'm tired and at different times of the day I didn't feel as confident as I should have and I was starting to get paranoid about what others were thinking about me or if I'd done anything wrong that I didn't know about. They probably weren't and if they were thinking of something it most probably had nothing to do with me. It was just one of those weird days, and I am over it. However I have looked back on it and thought what made it worthwhile? I believe it's the smiling faces on the kids I teach that did it, so today I am grateful for cute smiley little faces.

Steph

My Ma

Today is Mothers Day so there are many mothers out there who are being spoilt. Unfortunately I live too far from my mother to be with her today and so I'm not spoiling her however I will be phoning her to wish her well, atleast she has my sister close so I'm sure she will be spoiling her for both of us. My mother has raised me well with respect and dignity, she has loved me always, even when I haven't been the best daughter. My mother has never expected any presents ever and when she has received them she is truly grateful, always. My mother has been through too many rough times such as having to live in an orphanage for seven years after her father's death at the age of three, the death of my sister, my brother in law, her brothers, sisters, mother and her husband, she endured cancer four times and went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and she managed to come through them all. Amazing! Thinking back on this I would have to say she is an inspiration to me as she has had it tough but always came through! I love you Ma. Steph

Moving Out To Camping Out

So it's Friday night and I'm feeling good about work and not worrying so much about other stuff as since my Thursday morning post I have had really good days. In saying this our lives are not without complications and there has been one major glitch in my positive outlook and I would like to share it with you.

Yesterday when I got home from work, Dave asked me how my day went as I had told him about the new positive me, and I replied that it was a really good day, he then said "I'm just about to ruin it" and I said or growled "Oh what.........crap what now?" The house we are renting is for sale and he explained that someone has put in an offer for it and the old guy that owns it phoned Dave to let him know that he has accepted the offer, he was saying that the settlement will be 50 days. Dave told him that we still have our rental contract which doesn't run out until September. To make a long story short, the house is sold (but not signed up on contract as yet) and if and I'm assuming they can't kick us out before the contract runs out that we need to move out before the 1st September, we have no where to live except the camper and caravan on our block. I am not renting another house for just a couple of months until our house is finished only to move yet again, I would rather either put our furniture and stuff in storage or Dave build a shed really fast and store it all there and live in the camper and caravan. There is a bathroom, electricity, water and sewerage there which is a good, right? My concerns about living there are as follows:
-small space for too many humans, we could end up killing each other or at the least divorced
-no room for large fridge means we have to use very small fridge, which means less food storage and more trips to supermarket, which could lead to divorce
-very small pantry (I mean small as in mini), also meaning more trips to supermarket or sleep beside cans of baked beans and packets of noodles
-no room for clothes, meaning we will look scruffy for two months at the minimum
-no laundry, so where am I to do clothes washing, Oh sorry, I meant where is Dave to do the clothes washing?
-minimal space for cooking and eating, which definitely could lead to divorce
-no entertaining as there won't be any spare seats and not enough space in fridge or pantry for cheese, biscuits and wine
-no lounge room as such
-no internet, which might not be that bad, but can't check emails which is bad as Dave's business relies on it for jobs
-no landline for phone, which means we have to use our mobile phones for calls and blogging which takes longer
-we turn into gypsies or hippies and have to wear floral skirts, baggy pants and headbands
-we will be looked down upon by rich and famous Metung dwellers, especially those who only come up weekends and holidays from their Toorak mansions in their BMW or Mercedes Benz cars to stay in their lakeside holiday mansions (with water views of course). Heaven forbid that there are gypsies living in Metung and camping of all things

On the other hand there may be some positives about this whole situation, it's going to be hard to think of any but I'll give it a go:
Ummmm, Hmmmmm, well........Ummmmmmm.......okay here goes
-no rent
-we will be able to keep an eye on the building of our house
-no vacuuming
-quality family time.......I hope
-our eyes will be rested......from watching less TV and computers, although they could get worse from looking at small screen on mobile phone
-less food in fridge and pantry means less food in mouth which means less weight around waistline
-less entertaining means less alcohol consumption which means less weight around waistline
-more time to do the garden and outdoor activities......as there isn't enough space inside
-free showers.....when it rains
-no mould or damp in bathroom as there are plenty of gaps in the boards to allow ventilation
-we finally sort all our crap and only move what we really want and need and sell the rest in a garage sale where we could make a fair amount of money....anywhere up to $2.75.

So there that's where we are at, not sure what exactly to be grateful for, perhaps the fact that there will be a toilet, shower, water, electricity, sewerage, a bed and some cooking facilities, we will need to look at it as if we are on holidays camping, just for a little longer!
Steph

Ahh Home Sweet Home

We could turn into this!

Noises InThe Night

Okay so I'm sitting here in bed thinking to myself why is it that every night I am getting broken sleep and lying in bed awake unable to get back to sleep? Dave seems to be able to sleep through anything (except me deliberately nudging him), he sleeps through the cats bringing in some dead or half dead animal, the dogs needing to go outside or having a disagreement with one another, any noises in the night and even when Zoe decides she prefers our bed and hops in it, but not before we both need to visit the bathroom! My night starts at around 10.00 to 10.30 I fall straight to sleep, I find it really easy to do this, the excitement starts anywhere from around 1.30 in the morning when the cats decide that they would like to give Dave of all people, a nice present, which usually is a dead animal of some sort. They make this horrible meaowing sound which is quite loud and I can distinguish this particular sound as I hear it most nights. They occassionally munch on the dead animal in our bedroom of all places and I get to hear the crunching sound quite well. I really don't think they realize that I'm the one that hears them so it really should be me who they are rewarding with their gift. Then at some point in the night but not every night Zoe sneaks in to our room, sometimes going to the bathroom on her own but other times insists on my presence, which obviously means I have to get out of bed. Zoe came in this morning at 1.30, she used the bathroom on her own and then came to me on my side of the bed (always on my side even though Dave's is much much closer and easier to get to). I automatically moved over so she could hop in, once in she then decided that she wanted to go back to sleeping on the couch (she fell asleep there last night so we covered her up with her doona and left her there), a few minutes later she came back in saying that the dog was snoring too loud so she wanted to come into our bed. At 5.00 one of our dogs decided he needed to go outside, I heard him walk into our bedroom and then back out again, by the time I got out of bed he had walked down the other end and decided to urinate in the hallway, nice! I couldn't find the dam mop so I had to lay newspaper down to absorb it all, in between all this I was raising my voice to show my annoyance to the dog, he just looked at me weird and sad as I had banished him to outside! Meanwhile Dave is still snoring his head off, oh yes that's another thing Dave snores every night, really loud and in a very annoying way. Dave managed to sleep through all of that? The day has just begun, I now need to get up to shower and get ready to head off to work. Not sure if there is anything in the above to be grateful for, perhaps I could be grateful that I have the sense of hearing otherwise I would have missed out on all the excitement that happens in the night in our house that only I know about but will surely let the others in on it when they awake! Steph

Don't avoid the storm - learn to dance in the rain

This morning I couldn't get to sleep after the cat brought in a mouse and so I decided to go on the Internet to research about post hysterectomy symptoms as I have been having a few lately,and I found some really good posts from women who have been experiencing similar things to me. I found them to be helpful and glad because now I know I'm not going crazy as I am not the only one feeling this way. One in particular quoted "Don't avoid the storm - learn to dance in the rain", which made me ask myself do I want to be miserable forever? And my answer to that is no, after all it is our attitude towards things that makes all the difference. So today I am going to be more positive about everything and stop dwelling on the past or things I can't change and think about the things I can. No point in being miserable, I just need to learn how to deal with the situation and make it work for me. I will be positive about my job and excell in the things I do there and I will put in more effort and do it with enthusiasm, I will also get really excited about our house which is starting to be built next week, I will be nice to my family, I will make more time to do the things I want to do if I want to do them, and I will be extra nice to myself and love myself even if I have gained a few kilos in the last year and a half, I am still beautiful and gorgeous as Dave calls me and I am talented. So there, I will not let the storm get me down, I will learn to deal with it and be happy in the process, no matter what! Wish me luck as I may need a little, after all I am only human, just a little more positive! Steph

Blurting It All Out

I find it really good sometimes to just blurt out everything that is bothering or stressing me to a friend, in my case Megan. It's different to talking to Dave or my sister or even someone I work with, because even though Megan cares about me, she doesn't try and fix it, she just listens and empathizes, and she is not directly attached to the situation which makes it easier for me to just say exactly what I want to say without the fear of hurting her feelings or expecting her to fix everything. Today once again I have had another bad day mentally. Confusion, anxiety, too much thinking which led to more confusion. By talking to Megan I feel better and now I am going to sleep with a slightly clearer head. I feel that i will wake up tomorrow and have a much more positive day than today. So today I am truly grateful for the ability to open up and blurt it all out. Steph

Things I want in life

I want to blog twice today, this time not so much about what I'm grateful for but to jot down and be more accountable for the things I would like to do with my life...... big time......and not immediately, but over a long term plan, preferably before I am too old, grey and maybe senile to do them. Well here they are:

#Write a cookbook

#Start a food business .... maybe from home such as cooking products to sell at markets, shops or cafes, or teaching adults or kids to cook, or catering? Not sure but something to do with food and cooking it, and not necessarily to open a cafe or restaurant but I'm open to it with some help.

#Create more art works, to display around home and maybe in a gallery, to relax and express myself through my art, and for monetary purposes.

#Be a successful confident teacher who knows exactly what she is doing and why and enjoy the process along the way without stressing too much, this one preferably a short term goal as I am a teacher and I really do prefer to know exactly what I am doing and why (I analyze everything and I catastrophize).

#Write more about anything, learn to write better blogs or write for a column, how awesome would that be. I have a lot to say about a lot of things, I can express my opinions more freely through text.

#Pay off our mortgage quickly so I can enjoy life more freely, to do things I would like to do when I want to do them and of course to travel the world...or parts of.

#Do a business course so that when I do start my business I will know what I am doing and how to stay in business and make lots of money.

#Obviously spend quality time with my family and good friends, preferably with less TV, more outings, walks, entertaining, travel etc

There is probably more to this list but I can't think of them at the moment. So by writing these down I hope to be accountably for the choices I make in the future and be grateful and hopefully profitable from them.

Steph

Technology

"It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are". Clive James

Last night my mobile phone went flat and then turned off, so I left it to charge but it froze and stayed frozen. When I woke up I realised that it wasn't going to work as it was still frozen. Zoe woke up feeling sick and it was decided that I was to stay home from work with her and take her to the doctors, well then I realised that I couldn't ring work because the numbers were in my phone which I couldn't get to unfreeze, so I was left wondering how I was going to contact my work to let them know I wasn't going in. I decided to look on the Internet White Pages and I found the phone numbers I needed (technology at work once again, lucky). Dave took it to a repairer to see if they can fix it but they said they weren't sure if they could, and if they did couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't lose all my data and photos etc. What the? I will not be able to replace those photos, it will take me forever to find out all the contact phone numbers, that's if I can remember which ones were on there. How we rely so much on technology without backup and then when it stuffs up we are doomed, well for a little while anyway. I would normally get really frustrated about this situation, mostly for the loss of photos but also for the inconvenience of having to ask people for their phone numbers and keying them all in (tedious) but I am not at all frustrated, not even a bit! Well just a little bit!

Steph

Life's Challenges

Today has been another challenging day at work, where I catastrophized about everything I thought of in relation to work. When I do this it leaves my mind in a total state of confusion, the more I think about it the more I am confused. You are probably saying to me right now "well, stop thinking about it and get on with it" How true but yet how hard that is for me to do! It does help my mind however when I speak to trustworthy others such as my mentor and my dear hubby Dave. They seem to put me straight even if it is just for a little while, well almost anyway, they remind me of how as Diana puts it "I am thinking too far into things" and how Dave puts it "There you go catastrophizing again" I admit it, I do that, I just can't help it, I worry about everything and think of the worst case scenario. So even though it is bad and it doesn't feel all that great when you are having a challenging time in your life or mind as in my case, I am grateful for life's challenges as they are helping me grow and become who I truly am.
Steph

Opportunities

Ahhh let me see, what shall I be grateful for today? Well, yesterday we went over to some new friends place for drinks, their son is friends with Zoe at school. Anyway, we got talking and they realized how much I love cooking and offered me the opportunity of a job on Friday nights cooking for a crowd of around 30 or so(appparantly there is great demand for a two course dinner (with choice of two mains) for Friday nights at the golf club. Unfortunately it's not that easy and me working full time at school makes it even harder. This morning I was madly looking through my cookbooks to search for home style meal ideas, it's doing my head in, I haven't stopped thinking of how I could make it work without jeopardizing my commitments to work as a teacher and to home life. How was I to prepare everything on getting there Friday afternoons in time for a 6.30 sit down meal? I'll need to find out a lot more about it before I make any decisions or even set a menu. So today I am grateful for opportunities that come my way, whether I take them up or not, I will endeavor to make the ones I do want work to my advantage, and I'll toss the ones I don't want away and forget about them or use them as a learning experience. As they say, you can't succeed without trying, and failing to plan is a plan to fail. Oh no does that mean I should take up this opportunity and try at the least to make it work? Ahhh, now I've gone and confused myself all over again! Better find out more about this great opportunity before I go mad. Steph

Fridays, end of the working week

What I wanted to blog about yesterday was the fact that it was Friday. I posted on my Facebook, yippee, yeh, hooray and so on as I was so excited about the end of the working week. From Friday 4pm onwards is my time, not work's, so I can have a rest and spend some time with my family that doesn't necessarily involve dinner, dishes, cleaning and watching tv. Hooray and yippee! Steph

Sleep

Sleep, because I am tired. Too tired for anything else. Good Night!
Steph

Expressing My Feelings

I went to bed early tonight and whilst lying there I was thinking to myself that I hadn't blogged today. I wasn't going to bother as I didn't feel that I had anything I wanted to be grateful for even though there are a lot of things I should. I was thinking that no one other than myself truly cares if I blog or not, this is something that I wanted to do for myself, so therefore I am only accountable to whether I blog or not! The reason I started this blog was to give myself something positive to be grateful for each day as the year prior was a miserable, self esteem deflater, unmotivating, depressing and disheartening to say the least. In saying that, this year has already had its ups and downs, one especially being the passing of my dear Papa, whom today I have missed so much, another being that our house taking so long to even start to be built, we have been here for a year and a half and have been signed up with the builders for almost a year and still nothing, not even a tiny incey wincey pebble has been turned on our land. I'm having one of those miserable nights, I was a bit teary this morning but fine throughout the day and even on the way home but then whilst eating dinner my happiness started to go down hill, especially after dinner when I spoke to my mum and broke down in tears, something I did not want to do as it would upset her even more than she already was, but I did and she's fine, now I've given her something else to worry about other than missing Dad. I'm so totally and utterly confused, one minute I love my job and I'm positive I can make it work, and the next minute I'm stressing about whether I can achieve what's expected from me; one minute I'm loving living here in Metung, and the next minute I'm not so sure; one minute I'm excited about building our dream home and the next minute I don't care; one minute I'm completely okay with the fact that I have changed the lives of my two oldest boys whom didn't have much choice or say in the matter of us moving away, and the next minute I'm feeling utterly guilty for not giving them their say or choice. I love my family and we are all pretty close so it makes it hard for me to be apart from them all, I don't necessarily have to see them every day, I just need to know they are ok and hear their voice over the phone occasionally. I have to admit there has been plenty of times that if our old house in Riddells Creek was still ours I would be searching jobs near there in order for us to move back. I may be grateful for small things each day but in the end I'm only human and by being human my days don't always contain bright yellow daisies and beautiful sunshine, they occasionally includes dark, dark clouds with chances of tears, I mean rain. So there you have it, my feelings for the night and why I'm a little unmotivated and uninspired to be grateful for anything. Reading back on this Blog I've realized that today I am grateful for something, I'm grateful for the fact that I can express my feelings and share how I feel with the world (really) even if the world doesn't read it. Steph

Privilege Of Reading Other Blogs

Today I am grateful for the privilege of reading other blogs which allow me to find out a little about what's happening to other people in the world. Today I read Kimmie's "The Serendipity Cafe" blog where she blogged about her son who is about to leave home to live with friends, it brought tears to my eyes because I too have children whom I miss dearly even though two of them live with me. I miss them because they are getting older and I know that they will all eventually move away. It feels good to read other people's blogs especially ones I relate to because it helps me deal with my own situation a little better knowing that others are experiencing it too and that it is a normal phase of my life as a mother.
Steph